Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
