Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
