She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
