You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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