Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
