I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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