She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize