I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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