I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
