I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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