the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
