My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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