So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
