Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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