okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
