all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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