i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize