The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
