Redeem this text for a blowjob
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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