My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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