your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
