do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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