Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
