but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That was before I lit my hair on fire
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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