I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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