Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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