I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need a beard to bite.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize