someone threw a dead crab at me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
