it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
