Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i think my cat just said my name.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
