When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
