Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize