I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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