I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
