Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
