Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
