Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
