Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
