$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
