She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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