it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
