Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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