Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
