I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
