I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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