Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
