I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
