fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
