I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
40s are totally the cure
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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