dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
