My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
