one two three fourrrrnication!
she woke up with a sticky ear
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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