The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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