Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
