I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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