i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
