i permit you to call me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
