Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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