why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
