You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize