I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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