I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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