I wish you could order shots online.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
