She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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