I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
