so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
