so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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