the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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