im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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