I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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