I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
