plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
