was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
